Top three tips for dealing with conflict

I'm always looking for good tips on dealing with conflict. 

Peter Pregman, the Martial Art of Conversation gives three concise rules that, in my experience ( if you can do them) work to diffuse a tense situation and help you to move forward. 

1. Ask Questions: what is most important is to understand how the other person views the situation. You don't have to agree...you just have to understand.
2. Listen ( really)  When people are angry or upset, they need to feel heard and respected.
3. Repeat and summarize:  You want to make sure you understand the other person's perspective and you need to make sure they believe you understand.

The key point is, when people are angry, the gut reaction is to get defensive. Once you are defending your position ( which you believe to be right) you aren't listening.  When someone is angry, they need to feel heard ( and respected) before they can listen to someone else.

Peter shows you what he means by telling you a story.

Photo: Flickr 1677426833_c31dfc8d40